Math/Science/Computer Jokes

(from Chalk Up Another One by Sidney Harris)

See also Proofs That P

Three Navaho women sit side by side on the ground. The first woman, who is sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 140 pounds. The second woman, who is sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 160 pounds. The third woman, who weighs 300 pounds, is sitting on a hippopotamus skin. What famous geometric theorem does this symbolize?

The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

An evil psychiatrist kidnaps an engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician to see how their minds work. He locks them in separate cells with a year supply of canned beans and leaves. When he comes back in a year to check on his prisoners, he finds:

• The chemist had collected rainwater to corrode the cans of beans so he could eat them.
• The engineer had taken apart his bed and made a crude can opener out of the parts.
• The mathematician was slouched on the floor, long since dead. Written in blood beside the corpse read the following:
  Theorem: If I don't eat the beans I will die.
  Proof: Assume the opposite and seek a contradiction.

Two mathematicians went out to lunch. Over lunch, one complained that most people don't understand even basic math. The other took a more optimistic view. A short time later, while the pessimist was in the bathroom, the other called the waitress over. "I am going to call you over in a few minutes," he explained, "and I am going to ask you a question. I want you to answer X³/3. OK?"....When the pessimist came back, he called the waitress over. "Look, I'll prove people understand math better than you think. OK, young lady, what is the integral of X²?"... "X³/3" she slowly repeated and walked away. Then she turned around and said,
"Plus a constant."

A physicist had a horseshoe hanging on the door of his laboratory. His colleagues were surprised and asked whether he believed that it would bring luck to his experiments. He answered: "No, I don't believe in superstitions. But I have been told that it works even if you don't believe in it."

An absent minded professor (alright, it was Norbert Weiner) was moving. His wife, knowing Norbert would forget his address, took out a sheet of paper and wrote it down for him. Later that day, Norbert had a flash of insight, and fumbling for a piece of paper, wrote down his new theorem on the paper his wife gave him. On further reflection, Norbert found a fallacy in this thinking and threw out the paper in disgust. When he came home that night, to the now empty house he moved from, he remembered he had moved, but had no idea where he had moved to. Just then he spied a little girl on the street. "Little girl," he asked, "my name is Norbert Weiner, do you know where I live now?"
"Yes daddy, mommy thought you would forget."

Two Jews on a train in Russia. One asks the other, "Where are you going?" and the second one replies, "To Kiev." Whereupon the first says, "You liar, you tell me you are going to Kiev so I would think you are going to Odessa. But I know you are going to Kiev, so why do you lie?"

An airplane was flying to Poland. As it overflew a famous lake the captain come on the intercom, "If you look out to your right, you will see beautiful Lake Lek." Just then everyone went over to look at the lake and the plane crashed. Why?

My friend Brad recently gots his Master's Degree in physics from the MIT. Unfortunately, he's having some trouble finding a job (it's tough to get a physics job these days). He's already spent two months looking for a job. He's running low on rent money so he decided to work in the Central Square McDonald's on weekends and look for a job during the week.

After Brad handed in an employment application, the manager told that he wasn't qualified. "Not qualified!?! I've got a Master's degree in Physics from MIT!" he said. The McDonald's manager replied, "I'm sorry, but all of our physicists have PhDs."

What's Purple and commutes?

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